This post is written in response to the brief here, set by Kate at Kate Takes 5. So, if you haven’t already done so, read the instructions!
OK, are you ready? After each ‘truth’ according to women, I shall give the ‘man’s point of view’ in italics.
1. [Referring to any forthcoming event to which an invitation has been received, rolling eyes at ceiling] I’VE GOT NOTHING TO WEAR!
[Rolling eyes at wardrobe] You could have fooled me!
2. WE NEED MORE CUPBOARDS! [This may or may not relate to (1) above]
It wouldn’t make any difference. Filling an n number of cupboards (let n be any number between 1 and, well, lots and lots and lots) until the doors will only just shut, or possibly just not quite shut, is a time-honoured feminine accomplishment.
3. I’LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AT MAKING [insert name of home-made dish here] AS [insert name of close friend/relative here.]
Well… No, maybe not. But your [insert name of favourite here] is the best of anybody’s.
4. I’M NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD-LOOKING AS [insert name of other female here] BECAUSE MY [list part(s) of anatomy here – remember to enter all that apply] IS/ARE:
[ ] too big [ ] too small [ ] uneven/different sizes [ ] otherwise less than perfect, please describe (tick all that apply)
Any honest, loving man, in his right mind, wants a soul-mate with zest for life, not a bimbo. You are you, you are unique, and you are pretty.
5. But, I ask you! I’d just given birth, and he grabs a camera! I LOOKED A SKETCH!
No, you didn’t. Your hair was all over the place. You had panda eyes from several days’ loss of sleep. Sweat had left tide-marks down your cheeks, which looked the colour of roughish concrete. You had a new baby in your arms, and as you looked at him (or her) you looked breathtakingly, radiantly, beautiful.