Critique: ‘Translation Issues’

If you first of all look at our ‘100 Word Challenge’ prompt here, you’ll see we are to compose a critique of any entry from the previous week.

This is a late entry this week. Serves me right for bragging about being quick off the mark last time! I could (truthfully) make excuses about duty calling, but the real reason is that I found this challenge the most daunting yet, calling, as it does, for honesty, generosity, and constructive suggestion. When we write, we expose a part of ourselves, in some sense, to others. I am reminded of the words of the poet, W. B. Yeats: 

“I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”

After some consideration, I selected the contribution of ‘Taochild’ here.

This response to the challenge is ingenious. It is a story, written in the first person, which meets the criteria given. But it is so much more than that. It sets out, so beautifully, a moral issue, namely, that honesty, openness, and sincerity count for much more than linguistic accuracy, especially if the latter is accompanied by overbearing haughtiness. This is done in a clear and humorous way, by comparison and contrast across the Atlantic Ocean.
If I might make one constructive suggestion, impact could be added by giving emphasis to the last word, perhaps with an ellipsis:

said… ‘ALUMINUM!’

I hope I have been fair, and trodden softly.

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3 Responses to Critique: ‘Translation Issues’

  1. Taochild says:

    Thank you! I very nice critique and with a helpful improvement! I am going to use your suggestion right now 🙂

  2. jfb57 says:

    You have done yourself proud with this post Phil. A considered, rounded piece with a great suggestion for improvement. Well done for getting there in the end. It was a challenge but that’s what it says on the tin – 100WCGU!

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